


I Don't Want to Live A Lie

by xhorizen



Series: An Unfortunate Affair [1]
Category: Hanson (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, I probably gave a lot away with the last tag but idgaf, Infidelity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-04-05 19:44:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19047118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xhorizen/pseuds/xhorizen
Summary: In the middle of the nightWhen the angels screamI don't want to life a lie, that I believeTime to do or dieNatalie comes to Zac's doorstep in a time of crisis.





	I Don't Want to Live A Lie

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TragicLove](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TragicLove/gifts).



> Written for TragicLove, she's been craving some angsty Zatalie and asked me to write this: 
> 
> "They've been having an affair for years but one of them put a stop to it. Then one night it's very dramatic and raining and thunder and lightning and Natalie shows up on Zac's doorstep because Taylor found out about everything and told her to leave."
> 
> I hope you love it! It did NOT turn out how I thought it would turn out AT ALL, but these dumb characters have minds of their own!

Zac had never really been a drinker. He liked the taste of certain things just fine, but never felt the need to get drunk. Losing control was at the top of his list for things he hated doing, and getting drunk was a sure fire way for him to lose said control. That being said, dark, rainy nights had become synonymous with drinking to drown away his sorrows. They were the nights that reminded him of her the most, and he would do anything to make his memories of her and of them together fade. Whiskey was Isaac’s drink of choice, so Zac typically kept it stocked in his house, though he’d taken to taking a nip or two from it himself over the previous few months. 

The bottle felt a lot lighter than it should have when he pulled it from the top cabinet and Zac frowned, holding it up to the light to try to see through the amber glass. Liquid sloshed maybe a quarter of the way full and he frowned - The bottle was brand new only a few weeks ago, who had been over lately to drink? He racked his brain as he pulled a glass from the cabinet and took out some ice from the freezer. Isaac hadn’t been over in quite a while and no one else drank… Had he really had that much of it? Surely not, he only drank…

A lot. He drank a lot. The thought itself caused the hand pouring the whiskey into the glass to shake and he cursed as a bottle jerked, causing the liquor to spill onto the counter. He stood it upright and put the cap on before reaching for a paper towel to clean up the mess when the doorbell rang. He glanced at the clock in confusion, it was almost midnight, who would be coming over that late? Ever since he and Kate had split up and the kids only stayed with him every other weekend, he was used to spending 99% of his time alone. He threw the towel into the garbage and ran his hands over his sweatpants as he walked to the door, cringing as the sticky stuck to the material. He looked through the peephole and was shocked to see her standing there. Without thinking, he unbolted all of the locks and swung the door open as his jaw dropped. 

Natalie was standing on the porch, soaking wet and crying. 

“Nat, what the -” 

“He found out.” She managed to gasp out before dissolving into tears right in front of him. He took a step toward her as she took a step toward him before she collapsed against him. He didn’t even notice his clothes getting as wet as they could get as he wound his around her shoulders, pulling her to him. He heard her trying to speak words, but every single thing she said just got drowned out by more and more sobs until she was practically screaming with tears. He wanted to ask questions, but he already knew exactly what she meant by the three little words she said - Taylor had found out about their affair. 

“Come on, let’s get you inside.” He managed to get her on her own two feet, but she sagged against him so much that he felt as though he was practically carrying her entire weight himself. He led her to the downstairs bathroom and sat her down on the closed toilet seat before finally letting her go. Natalie had managed to stop crying as hard as she was, but tears were still streaming down her face and Zac felt his heart break. They’d stopped seeing each other specifically so that she would never have to go through this. Zac didn’t even care about his own feelings, hell, he and Kate had filed for divorce before he and Natalie had even stopped seeing each other, but Natalie was more important to him than almost anything in the world and he would do anything in his power to keep her from being hurt. 

He grabbed the hand towel from the ring next to the sink and crouched down in front of her, placing one hand on her knee as he raised the towel to her face. “Can I?” He whispered. She nodded and took a few sniffs in, an act that should be horribly unattractive on anyone who did it, but on her, it was just adorable, in spite of the circumstances. Zac used the towel to wipe away the tears and rain water and whatever else was on Natalie’s face until she was no longer crying. It took a few minutes, but by the time he was done, her breathing had evened out and he wasn’t concerned that she was going to hyperventilate. 

“We should get you into some dry clothes, I don’t want you getting sick.” Zac stood up and reached out for Natalie’s hand, which she gave him immediately. 

“You just want to see me naked.” 

He couldn’t help but laugh at her reply, it was so unexpected due to the situation, but hopefully that meant things weren’t unfixable. He wanted to make a cocky remark about being able to see her naked any time he wanted, but even he could recognize that it wasn’t the time - Natalie came to him to feel safe and he needed to make sure he took care of her and lived up to that expectation. 

Zac led her to the master bedroom and gently pushed her to the bed, indicating she should sit. She shook her head and looked down at her clothes. “I’m all wet, I’ll get everything soaked.”

“I don’t care.” He waved her on before disappearing into the closet to see what he could drag up. Ever since Kate had moved out, the closet was less than half full and he hated going in there - It was like a constant reminder of what a failure he was. He knew he was at fault, he was the one who chose to have an affair and chose to get a divorce, but when he got married at 20 years old, his goal in life was never to be four kids into a marriage just to let it die. His parents had taught him that marriage was forever, for better or for worse, and he felt the weight of their disappointment on his shoulders every single day. He rummaged through his drawers for a second before coming up with a pair of sweatpants he’d had since he was 15 and a shirt he’d outgrown before puberty. Why he still had them, he would never know, but they came in handy when trying to rescue a damsel in distress. 

“I’m sorry I came to you.” The tiny voice behind him made him jump a little and he turned around in a hurry, clothes clutched to his chest. He took a minute to study the woman in front of him before giving her a small smile and stepping into her personal space. 

“I told you that you could always count on me, remember? It wasn’t just back then, it was forever.” A blush ran across Natalie’s cheeks at his words and she ducked her head to look down at the carpet beneath her wet sneakers. “Head to the bathroom, I have clothes for you.” She turned without looking at him and Zac followed her to the bathroom, suddenly feeling shy at the interaction. Nothing had even happened, yet he was feeling like a schoolboy around the girl he had a crush on and he hated that feeling.

Natalie turned around to face him once she was in front of the shower and held out her hands. “I’ll just change really quick, thanks.” Zac shook his head and opened the cabinet next to her, fishing out a towel before closing the door and putting everything on the counter. 

“You need to warm up or you’re gonna get pneumonia. Jump in the shower and let the water do the trick, okay? I’ll be in the living room waiting.” He turned around and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him before he did something he shouldn’t. 

\--

Two whiskey’s and 20 minutes later, Natalie finally joined Zac in the living room. He was sitting on the edge of one of the sectionals, but jumped up when she walked into the room. 

“How are you feeling?” He wanted to kick himself as soon as he asked the question, she had showed up at his doorstep crying, she obviously wasn’t good, but he never claimed to be good at words in the moment. 

“A little better.” She tried to smile, but he saw it falter before she eveeven became aware of it and walked to her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders as she started to cry again. Zac edged them to the couch and sat down, pulling her down to join him. She ended up half on his lap, half on the cushion next to him, but she didn’t seem to notice and he definitely wasn’t going to point it out. 

Natalie balled her fists into Zac’s shirt as she buried her face into his chest and he had a really hard time trying to remember that this was about comforting her, not about him at all. Just having her in his arms was enough to reawaken all of the emotions and memories he had spent so long burying with alcohol and sheer force of will. 

“He found my old phone.” She finally spoke as she got her crying under control again. She positioned her head on his chest so that he could still hear her while she talked and he practically stopped breathing at her words. “He charged it so that he could make sure it was reset to factory settings before taking it to one of those phone ATM kiosk things, you know?” 

Zac nodded absentmindedly, knowing what she was talking about but not really thinking about what exactly it was. 

“He said he wanted to go through the pictures to see if there were any of the kids he hadn’t seen before that he could email to himself and then I guess he went through the texts too, and I had gotten sloppy toward the end, especially with getting a new phone, I hadn’t deleted the texts like you always said I should.” 

Zac’s breath caught in his throat, Taylor could have read any number of things in the text messages between him and Natalie, there was a point where they talked to each other all day, every day, just telling each other the most mundane bullshit about their lives to divulging their innermost secrets. 

“He saw the emails, too.” She whispered and Zac felt like he was going to pass out. The only time they had emailed back and forth was when - 

“He knows River isn’t his?” Zac managed to get out breathlessly, hoping beyond hope that he was wrong, that maybe he saw a different set of emails, emails Zac forgot about, that didn’t absolutely break apart his older brothers world. 

“Yes.” Natalie’s voice broke on the word and she turned her face back into his chest, sobs overtaking her body. Zac wanted to cry right along with her, finding out that she was pregnant back then was already hard enough - Having the confirmation that the child was his and he never got to claim him _and_ having to deceive his brother/best friend was on the list of the hardest things he’d ever had to do. 

“Oh god, Nat, I’m so sorry.” He pressed his lips to the top of her head as he tightened his hold on her. Maybe if he squeezed long enough and hard enough, it would make them both feel better. 

“It’s not all your fault.” She sniffled before pulling back enough to look him in the face. “It takes two, ya know? I could have been the responsible one at any time.” Zac frowned, he knew she was telling the truth, but hearing their relationship reduced to responsibility still stung, even after all that time. 

“I know.” He said quietly, letting his arms drop from her shoulders down to the couch. He tried to hold back the hurt, it wasn’t about him, she was the one with the crisis, but he couldn’t help but feel a little bit of self pity leak out. 

“That’s not what I meant.” Natalie said softly, reaching up and cupping his cheek with one hand. “You know I don’t regret a thing with you.” He covered her hand with his own and lifted his gaze to meet hers. 

“Sometimes it feels like what happened between us was just a dream, or possibly a nightmare. I was given the best thing in my life, and then it was ripped away from me in the name of adult responsibility and marital promises.” He felt tears stinging his eyes and cursed the whiskey - He always got weepy when he drank dark liquor and having Natalie there wasn’t helping anything. 

“Oh Zac” She brought her free hand up to cup his other cheek and he closed his eyes, trying to just focus on the feel of her hands on his skin.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make this about me.” He tried to pull away from her touch, but she held on. 

“Zac, stop. Stop being the martyr you’ve tried to spend your life being, for one second, please.” 

Zac opened his eyes and met hers, trying to get a feel for the words that she spoke. If anyone else had said them, he likely would have taken them as an insult because, well, they were a little harsh, but coming from Natalie, they were likely just meant out of concern and meant as the truth. 

“You know how I feel, Nat. I’d do anything for you, and I’m sorry that this happened. I would give anything to change this for you.” 

Natalie shrugged and a small smile formed on her face, causing him a little bit of confusion. “I should probably feel worse about it than I do.” 

“I don’t understand…” He trailed off, pulling back from her touch and looking into her eyes. She bit her lower lip and looked down at the couch, messing with a hold in the fabric made by one of Zac’s kids at one time or another. 

“I feel bad that I’ve hurt Taylor.” She said in a low voice, low enough that he almost didn’t catch what she said. “I love him, he’s my best friend.” Zac felt a knife go through his gut, no matter how much he knew that was the truth, it would always hurt hearing it. 

“Yeah, I know. He’s mine, too.” They were quiet for a beat before he saw her hand reach out and grasp his wrist. 

“I feel bad that I hurt him.” She tightened her grip on his wrist, causing him to life his head to look at her. “I don’t feel bad that it happened.” 

Zac felt his face flush and moe tears pricked his eyes - He hated feeling like such a baby, he didn’t like crying, he didn’t like showing his emotions, but something about Natalie always brought it out in him. 

“I’m sorry he found out. I know you wanted to take it to your grave.” He turned his arm so that his hand was face up, smiling when Natalie slid her hand down to intertwine their fingers together. 

“Don’t feel bad. It was a matter of time, I think. You can’t expect to keep a secret this big for the rest of your life, right?” 

“I guess not.” He shrugged and moved his free hand to engulf her hand with both of his. “I just hate that you’re in the middle of it, ya know?” 

“I went to a lawyer.” 

Zac’s head shot up and he looked at her with his jaw dropped. “You what?” 

“I went to a lawyer. Told him I wanted a divorce, gave him a copy of the prenup, I told him everything.” 

Zac couldn’t even begin to form words, Natalie’s confession has thrown him for a loop. 

“He said I’d probably end up with child support for all the kids until they each turned 18, plus some kind of spousal support since I had his first child at 18. Even with the prenup, he said I would be really well off as a single mother.” 

“Okay, hang on, I’m sorry, I don’t understand. Why did you go to a lawyer?” 

Natalie let a small laugh slip from her lips and it took everything inside of Zac to keep from kissing her. “I had him draw up divorce papers. They’re being served sometime next week, I don’t have exact details, but it’s happening.”

“But you were crying about him finding out…” Zac trailed off, unable to comprehend the situation in front of him. 

“Just because I want a divorce doesn’t mean I hate him, Zac. I love Taylor, he’s the father of my children, we grew up together, he’s my best friend, but we’re… Just not meant to be anymore.” 

Zac pulled his lower lip into his mouth and chewed on it, trying to go through their conversation again in his head. “So, what does that mean?” He felt like he had an idea of what it meant, but didn’t want to get his hopes up too much. He’d been hurt too much by high expectations in the past and wasn’t going to do that to himself again. 

“It means I’m getting a divorce, Zac.” He felt her presence and looked up a little to see her pressing her side against his leg, trying to get his attention so she could see his reaction. “It means I’m making the choice I should have made 14 years ago.” 

“I-I-I-” Zac stuttered before cutting himself off, unable to complete the sentence that was floating around in his head. 

“I’m being serious, Zac. I’m doing this so we can be together, and so I can stop living this lie we’ve cultivated for the past 15 years. I want to be happy, truly happy.” Zac looked up at her and couldn’t help but match the smile on her face. “I want to be happy with you.” 

Zac couldn’t stop himself from surging forward and pressing his lips to Natalie’s - He had waited his entire adult life to hear those words come from her mouth and now that he had, he couldn’t imagine feeling any happier than he did. 

“You’re sure?” He pulled back and gazed into her eyes, trying to convey the amount of love he had for her in one look. 

“Do or die.” She said before leaning in and kissing him again, leaving him feeling more euphoric than he’d felt in his entire life.


End file.
